Anyone daft enough to pull this shit in on a feed-reader might want to have a look at this.
ttfn.
Monday, July 14
Sunday, September 23
Are Facebook Friends Eclectic?
ARE they fuck. But 'people I used to know and just sort of drifted out of touch with' doesn't quite tickle the tits, does it?
Still, I've added Kate and Gerry McCann, the entire board of Northern Rock and that misery-faced no-mark keeping the gaffer's chair warm at Stamford Bridge, which should at least get me invited to some cracking parties.
Still, I've added Kate and Gerry McCann, the entire board of Northern Rock and that misery-faced no-mark keeping the gaffer's chair warm at Stamford Bridge, which should at least get me invited to some cracking parties.
Tuesday, June 12
London 2012 Logo 'Smells Of Piss'
LATEST results from a made-up survey show that 93% of 18 to 34-year olds think the new 2012 logo smells of piss.
Lord Coe was not overheard saying, "It's a massive pile of wank, but do I fucking give one? That cunt Ovett couldn't have done any better."
A further survey of key opinion formers, that did not include TV's Zoe Ball might have come to the conclusion that, "We'd have been better off with a Swastika burnt into a dead dog's cock," if we'd asked them. Or indeed, had they existed.
An imaginary marketing knobber claimed the logo was, "Well shit...but shit means good these days, doesn't it? You know, like bad means good, innit?"
Lord Coe was not overheard saying, "It's a massive pile of wank, but do I fucking give one? That cunt Ovett couldn't have done any better."
A further survey of key opinion formers, that did not include TV's Zoe Ball might have come to the conclusion that, "We'd have been better off with a Swastika burnt into a dead dog's cock," if we'd asked them. Or indeed, had they existed.
An imaginary marketing knobber claimed the logo was, "Well shit...but shit means good these days, doesn't it? You know, like bad means good, innit?"
Pitifully Old Joke Alert
News from the BBC, that the onset of Parkinson's can potentially be slowed by an existing drug used to treat high blood pressure reminds me of the oldest of jokes:
"My grandad's got Parkinson's"
"Oh really, that's a shame. How do you know?"
"Coz every time we go and sit with him he asks us what it was like being called Cassius Clay."
Now look, I never said it was any good.
Anyway, Alzheimer's gag for you, if I can remember the punchline:
"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
Works best that one, when you realise they've both got it.
"My grandad's got Parkinson's"
"Oh really, that's a shame. How do you know?"
"Coz every time we go and sit with him he asks us what it was like being called Cassius Clay."
Now look, I never said it was any good.
Anyway, Alzheimer's gag for you, if I can remember the punchline:
"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
"Knock, knock"
"Who's there?"
Works best that one, when you realise they've both got it.
Razorlight Are Carbon Neutral
Are they fuck as like, but it's a matter of time till the tight-trousered twats think it'll make a right viral wheeze.
Oh aye, and Keane's home-brew port factory is powered by a wind farm.
Oh aye, and Keane's home-brew port factory is powered by a wind farm.
Live Earth Is For Cunts
MSN's coverage of Live Earth is sponsored by Chevy.
Here's a computer model of the melting ice cap.
Here's the spec on the 'Vortec 6.0L V8'. It does 14 miles to the shitting gallon.
But it's ok. The MSN coverage is also 'brought to us' by Phillips (you know, who make those tellys with the standby buttons that we don't really need but we can never be arsed to switch off, so it's not our fault, right?) and Zune (or whatever, some silly, post-Napster online music cunts)...but the Chevy button isn't clickable.
Yeh baby, this shit's just subliminal branding.
Here's a computer model of the melting ice cap.
Here's the spec on the 'Vortec 6.0L V8'. It does 14 miles to the shitting gallon.
But it's ok. The MSN coverage is also 'brought to us' by Phillips (you know, who make those tellys with the standby buttons that we don't really need but we can never be arsed to switch off, so it's not our fault, right?) and Zune (or whatever, some silly, post-Napster online music cunts)...but the Chevy button isn't clickable.
Yeh baby, this shit's just subliminal branding.
Wednesday, May 30
Chasing Joey Barton*
NEWCASTLE United are apparently chasing Manchester City's 'bad boy' midfielder Joey Barton...
Silly, silly Geordie nation cunts...simply turn your back on the innocently trouble-attracting twat, and the big, brave fuck will be all over you before you can say, "The other fella threw the first punch".
* It's a bit like 'Being John Malkovich', but someone else always started it.
Silly, silly Geordie nation cunts...simply turn your back on the innocently trouble-attracting twat, and the big, brave fuck will be all over you before you can say, "The other fella threw the first punch".
* It's a bit like 'Being John Malkovich', but someone else always started it.
Madeleine's Parents Meet Pope
CLUTCHING at straws. I know what they say about priests and that, but I doubt he's got her.
Tuesday, May 29
Absolutely Fucking Priceless
RADIO Five spends all day 'building up to the Big Match' telling us that the Championship play-off final is "worth £60m to the winner".
So, just in case you've not been listening, have some kind of brain disease where you keep forgetting things, are dead...or have some kind of brain disease where you keep forgetting things...the game "is worth £60m to the winner".
Sorry, have I pointed out that they spent all morning pointing out that this game was, in fact, worth..."£60m to the winner"?
Yeh? Cool, we've got that bit then.
So what word do you think the commentary mong used to describe the goal? What single word do you think the sorry tit, whose job it is simply to find words to describe things, whose sole professional function is to focus his training, talent and creativity to thunk up words to describe the events unfolding before his peepers, used to describe a game of football which we have been repeatedly told..."is worth £60m to the winner"?
"Priceless!"
Quite.
So, just in case you've not been listening, have some kind of brain disease where you keep forgetting things, are dead...or have some kind of brain disease where you keep forgetting things...the game "is worth £60m to the winner".
Sorry, have I pointed out that they spent all morning pointing out that this game was, in fact, worth..."£60m to the winner"?
Yeh? Cool, we've got that bit then.
So what word do you think the commentary mong used to describe the goal? What single word do you think the sorry tit, whose job it is simply to find words to describe things, whose sole professional function is to focus his training, talent and creativity to thunk up words to describe the events unfolding before his peepers, used to describe a game of football which we have been repeatedly told..."is worth £60m to the winner"?
"Priceless!"
Quite.
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